Haven’t been on in awhile but I’ve got an excuse (via Salon) —

Let’s just call it a one-month mental health holiday.

In the meantime, check out these guys: http://nononsenseboysusa.com/

Ruthless Americanism & Soccer? Yes, please.

The Weekly Dig's take on MLB's controversial decision to hold Opening Day on Easter Sunday

Opening Day in Boston is a Boston traditional rite of Spring for Bostonians thawing out from a long, cold (or, in the case of this year — wet) winter.

Like most other teams in Major League Baseball, the holiday falls on a weekday afternoon — in which case nearly half the city comes up with lame excuses to skip out of work and partake in the Opening Day festivities at Fenway Park. It’s probably the only day of the year aside from Day One of the NCAA Tournament where work productivity is at its lowest level.

But this year is a different story for Red Sox fans. Not only is the home opener late on Sunday night (read: less drinking because who wants to be hungover on a Monday morning workday?), but it falls on Easter Sunday, which is a problem among some in the population here. With nearly half the population identifying themselves as Roman Catholic, and many more representing other Christian denominations, it’s no surprise this is an issue among those faithful to Jesus and the Boston Red Sox.

Sports radio and local publications (see above) are buzzing about the issue over the past few weeks and reaction is mixed. Frankly, I really think people are bummed that the game is on a Sunday night as opposed to it falling on Easter Sunday. Opening Day is generally a celebration on par with Marathon Monday in the City of Boston, and having it on a Sunday Night pretty much wrecks everything. With the game unlikely to finish before 11:30 (don’t forget pregame ceremonies), it’s a shame that many who wake up early on Monday morning (especially the kids) won’t get to catch the end of the game.

But, this is Yankees v. Red Sox, and ESPN isn’t about to concede an inch on this one. As the only game of the night and the kickoff to the season, ratings will be huge on Sunday. I get it — it’s a business and nobody cares what Jesus, the Catholic Church or anyone in Boston really has to say on the matter.

Call me old school or straight unemployed, but here’s to wishing we were opening on a Tuesday afternoon with the rest of the league.

Photo | Aram Boghosian

Great shot of Britt Daniel and the boys from Spoon, who — along with opening acts The Strange Boys and Deerhunter — put on a killer, albeit early, show at the House of Blues, Boston’s newest uber-corporate concert venue that likes to end shows at 10 p.m. (not that I’m not bitter or anything…).

I wanted to share pic from my good friend Aram Boghosian, who freelances for the Boston Globe in addition to running his own business.

First of all, how kick ass are these Bruins commercials with the huge bear?? Mullen Advertising needs to churn out more of this stuff.

Tampa is in town tonight, as the Bruins look to hold on to the eighth and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.

With less than a month to play in the season, it’s coming down to the wire for the B’s, who really need to make a jump in the standings so they don’t draw the dreaded Caps in the first round.

It looks like it’ll be TUUKKA time in net tonight.

Let’s get after it B’s!

The NCAA Tournament always provides a bevy of buzzer-beaters, incredible runs, Cinderella stories and downright bracket chaos. It’s a month-long duel where no seed is safe and supposedly great teams go to die like dogs in the first round (damn you entire Big East!!).

For some CBS play-by-play announcers, such levels of excitement and anticipation can be tough for even the most seasoned of television veterans to replicate.

There are the more reserved voices — i.e. Tim Brando sounding hardly impressed with the finale of Maryland/Michigan St. on Sunday.

Others are more memorable. The great Verne Lundquist comes to mind (“What a shot by…Happy Gilmore! Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?”), whose picture on the CBS site has probably not been changed since 1982.

*Note — I could probably write an entire other article on his partner, color commentator Bill Raftery.

And then there is the upper echelon…

I’m referring to the man, the myth, the legend — Gus Johnson. When there’s ever a game that comes down to the wire, if Gus isn’t calling it then it’s probably not even worth watching.

Johnson’s had many a memorable call. There’s “THE CAAAAAAAAAAATCH!” from Gonzaga/UCLA in 2006:

There’s “OHHHH! SORRENTINE … HE HIT THAT ONE FROM THE PARKING LOT!” in Vermont’s 2005 first round shocker over Syracuse:

And then there’s this compilation which pretty much blows every call that’s ever been made in the NCAA tournament out of the water:

Johnson’s calls have become so popular, in fact, a site completely devoted to his unique vocabulary has been going viral during this year’s version of March Madness.

Honestly, can’t CBS just put this guy on every major sports broadcast they do? How bout the Super Bowl? Or, even better — The Masters is next month. Johnson calling Eldrick’s comeback would solidify it as the biggest ratings bonanza in the history of sport. Move over Jim Nantz, there’s plenty of ads for you to do while Gus takes over CBS.

Of course, some will say Johnson is simply letting his emotions get the best of him and that professional broadcasters cannot possibly make noises like that on the air.

I think this logic is largely ill-conceived. We’ve come a long way from announcers sounding like they’d rather be out having a scotch and a cigarette when their team wins the World Series (watch any B&W footage of old baseball games), although I’m now realizing they probably partook in both while calling the games.

But injecting some passion and emotion into a broadcast is more accepted now than ever before, and I believe this kind of near over-the-top vehemence definitely has a place in the NCAA tournament, where one shot and one rebound can permanently burn into the memories of players forever (these guys only have four years to make their mark in basketball, as most don’t go on to play in the NBA), and for the rest of us at the sports bar laying down our wagers and talking cheese to our buddies.

So keep up the good work Gus. Very rarely does the announcer have an impact on the game, but I’m noticing more and more that you’re becoming larger than life.

Just keep climbin’ that mountain, keep rising and firing.

Sure, he might have been drunk. Sure, he’s a lame duck who decided to not run for reelection. But for the first time in a long time, I’m proud to say I’m from R.I. I don’t care what the Internet trolls say. Patches spewed some fire and brimstone the likes of which nobody in my generation has ever seen from Congress. That’s at least worth something, right?

A snapshot of Google Trends in action

You’re obviously late to the Internet party if you haven’t realized Google owns the world. As the leading search engine, the amount of information it gathers on multiple levels is stupefying.

One thing that is relatively unknown for the average user, however, is the fact that you — sitting lazily on your La-Z-Boy — can pretty much keep your finger on the pulse of what your hometown, your state, your country or the world is thinking about (and, thus, searching for) at any particular moment.

Google Trends is one window into the strange Internet universe, and sometimes what you’ll see in the top ten searches can get downright weird.

After tracking it for a few days, you begin to learn about our Internet-dwelling populace — how much television people really watch (a lot), how much smut people like to read (a lot), and why news organizations are starting to pitch infotainment BS to the people instead of real news (guess which category you’ll find dominating the list).

I’ve got a Trends widget installed on my iGoogle page that updates on the hour what people in the U.S. want to know, so let’s take a foray into searches that are showing as “hot,” “spicy,” or the pinnacle — “volcanic”  — here at 5:30 p.m. on this Tuesday evening:

Courtesy Drunkathlete.com

#3) Amber Hanley
Hotness rating: ON FIRE

I guess all you need to do if you’re a random college coed looking for fame is to find yourself in the same room as a highly intoxicated and horny Steelers quarterback in the “VIP” section of a rural Georgia bar. Here’s a clip from the latest report from the National Enquirer CBS News (???):

MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga. (CBS/AP) — Amber Hanley, a 21-year-old college student who met NFL star Ben Roethlisberger in a Georgia bar, says the Steeelers (nice typo CBS) quarterback wanted more than a just a cute photo with the young co-ed, but she just rolled her eyes and moved on, earning a tongue lashing from Big Ben.

Later, she says, Roethlisberger was hitting hard on another girl.

Illegal, poor taste or just drunk fun?

You tell me, CBS! Looks like the War in Afghanistan just isn’t getting page views anymore, eh?

Myrtle Corbin | Wikimedia Commons

#4) Myrtle Corbin
Hotness rating: SPICY

*UPDATE* — Upon further review, I’m way off on this one. But it’s still some good trivia, so I’ll just leave it…

This one is downright baffling and completely random, so it’s safe to assume it was on television somewhere this afternoon. I’m gonna go with my gut and say Oprah.

According to the ever-so-reliable Wikipedia, Myrtle Corbin was born a dipygus, meaning she had two pelvises, and thus, four legs. Born in 1868, she eventually entered the “sideshow circuit” (I wonder if this circuit still exists?) as “The Four-Legged Girl from Texas.”

Although she died in 1928, I’m sure she’s very comforted to know that she’s achieved “Spicy” status more than 90 years later.

I’m actually afraid to investigate this further, so let’s just move on…

#6) Lindsay Lohan Milkaholic
Hotness rating: SPICY

It seems Lindsay Lohan has decided to resurface after going down in a blaze of alcohol, burned rubber, cocaine and rehab (in Malibu of all places…).

Would she try to win back America via a Tiger Woods-esque speech, perhaps in a classy way that brings us back to the days when she was America’s sweetheart, teen icon? Hardly…

From the New York Times —

Lindsay Lohan is suing E*Trade Financial over a popular television commercial that made its debut during Super Bowl XLIV and has appeared subsequently during coverage of the Winter Olympics and other programs.

So Lindsay decided it’d be best to reintroduce herself to the American public by suing the E*Trade babies. You really can’t make this stuff up…

[The baby boy] explains he did not call [the baby girl] last night because he was taking care of his portfolio. She asks, suspiciously, “And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” The baby boy replies, “Lindsay?” At that point, a second baby girl enters the frame, in front of the boy, and says, “Milk-a-what?” In her lawsuit, Ms. Lohan said the second baby girl was modeled after her because the one-word name “Lindsay” was identified with her.

Something tells me this will soon be a case study in how not to sue for defamation.

Something tells me they'll be having lots more of these free giveaways real soon (Stuart Ramson | Pringles)

10) Pringles recall
Hotness rating: SPICY

From the Christian Science Monitor —

If you were about to pop the top on a can of taco- or cheeseburger-flavored Pringles, you might want to hold that thought.

The meat-inspired chips are the latest products added to a recall stretching back to Feb. 26. Pringles’s parent company Proctor & Gamble announced the voluntary recall Tuesday.

First off, if you’re eating taco- or cheeseburger-flavored chips, isn’t that just about as bad for you as getting salmonella?

But apparently this is highly concerning to Americans, which goes a long way in explaining why there is an obesity problem here. I mean celery and carrot sticks aren’t my favorite snacks in the world either, but can’t we find a middle ground somewhere?

And how funny/ridiculous is the phrase “meat-inspired chips??”

Anyway, I digress. I had too much fun doing this, so look forward to more of TRENDWATCH 2010 in the future.

Empty seats have been plentiful at Firestone Fieldhouse this year. (Photo | Marc Choquette)

From pepperdinesports.com —

LAS VEGAS, Nev. – The Pepperdine men’s basketball team gave a strong performance and was just one three-point attempt at the buzzer away from overtime, but the Waves fell just short against rival Loyola Marymount, 87-84, in a first-round West Coast Conference Tournament game on Friday night.

After falling behind by as many as 11 points in the second half, the Waves rallied back to give themselves a chance at the end. The Waves got the ball back down by three with 15.1 seconds left, but a three-point attempt from the right wing by junior forward Mychel Thompson (Portland, Ore./Stoneridge Prep) had to be rushed at the buzzer and missed the mark.

So that’s it for Waves basketball this season … and it really couldn’t come soon enough. After a decent showing in their non-conference schedule highlighted with a win over Utah, the Waves went 3-0 in conference play before free-falling and losing their last twelve in a row.

This was supposed to be the year the Waves were due to get back on track. While expectations weren’t high, many were expecting them to surpass last year’s win total of 9, but instead the squad finished at a dismal 7-24, one of the worst records in Division 1 basketball.

I’m not sure this result can really be put on the athletic department, or coach Asbury and his staff. Both are doing the best they can, in my opinion, considering the circumstances and … speculating … budget restraints.

I think a lot of this comes down to recruiting, program stability and how much attention the regents & administration pay to this issue.

Recruiting must be a tough considering the fundamental shifts in D1 basketball over the past two decades — big time football cash cows spreading the wealth, involved donors, insane facilities, different academic standards for some athletes — so to assume that we’d be able to pull the types of players like in the 80s/early 90s is unrealistic. It shouldn’t be hard to recruit kids to come play in Malibu, but the school can conceivably be a tough sell  — small size, program volatility, expensive area, a high school gym, higher academic standards.

How to fix it? Honestly, I think it’s just going to take time, and a detailed long-term vision for this program that we stick to — with the first priority to build new facilities. We need some real leadership from those with a vested interest in the program, and they need to reach out to fans and supporters with this vision in a big way.

I sometimes have the vibe that because our other athletic programs are doing so well, the problems with the hoops program can be swept under the rug. Not to take anything away from the other programs, but winning championships in tennis and volleyball just doesn’t give Pepperdine’s name and reputation the same shot in the arm. Basketball puts small schools on the map and even a few sporadic appearances in the tournament can fundamentally change a school and its program’s national perception for the better in a short period of time.

Lastly, a suggestion from left field: a lot of current and retired players reside in Malibu for at least part of the year. We could explore ways the athletic dept could reach out to some of them with ideas of how to bolster the program, or even extend invitations to get them involved in whatever ways they deem fit. It may sound far-fetched but you never know if you don’t try, as getting a big-time name associated with our program could do wonders for recruiting.